Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
