Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
