I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
