I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
