Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
