just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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