in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
