you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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