I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
