A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how drunk are you?
Several
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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