omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
