Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
