Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
