At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
