i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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