i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Be still, my beating vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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