new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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