Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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