Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
