Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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