i was born a porn star she said
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
