I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
