yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
