It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
