Barsexuality is the new black.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
