I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
