i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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