dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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