Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
