The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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