textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
