I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
