we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
