I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
