Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this hospital has no fireball
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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