I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
