he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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