I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
