I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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