I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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