Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
