I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
