a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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