i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
