Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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