I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
