she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
