im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
