Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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