everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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