when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
