When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Shame - the story of my life.
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