you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
