I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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